Names matter. In cultures across the world there are important rituals around naming a child. The importance of these rituals goes beyond the identity of the child, and even beyond the importance attached to the name by parents and extended family. The importance is communal. ~Dr. Victoria J Mora, Matriculation Remarks, UWC-USA, September 5, 2017

Apparently, my name has several meanings. The one meaning that stands out to me the most in this season is Yew. Up until this point in my life, the symbolism of being an omen of doom was quite unsettling to me. It was giving Debby Downer and Negative Nancy vibes, and quite honestly, up until this point, I resonated with those labels. I do have a critical eye for things and tend to pick up on subtleties in ways that can be quite unsettling for most. Managing that aspect of my being was quite the challenge. Yet, I have grown to appreciate the everlasting life and rebirth perspective. It deeply resonates with me, and the unsettling feeling of fear and shame is no longer present. Oftentimes I felt as if I had died a thousand deaths, and up until this point, hearing the well-meaning label of being resilient would bring up feelings of resentment and anger. Wearing long-suffering as a badge of honor eventually didn’t sit well with me. My spirit said, “Nah, doc, this ain’t it…hang that up!” While I would still not prefer to be labeled as resilient, I understand the power that comes from being able to rise from the ashes while knowing that the death-dealing pressures of life could not keep me bound in a shallow grave.

Anyway, I couldn’t decide how I wanted to describe this period of my life, whether it was to be analogized to planting a crop and caring for it throughout the seasons or the process of birthing a child. Both have similarities, so hey… I’ll weave in and out of both, because I can…lol! This is how a beautifully complex and chaotic mind functions, and radical acceptance of all things, Evonne Patrice, is how I intend to move on this side of life.

As I reflect on the past year, I cannot help but be filled with gratitude. Not that I haven’t experienced challenges and the ever-more complicated loving embrace of grief, but the opportunity to evolve in ways I could not have imagined fills my heart with joy and anticipation for what is to come. This November served as my harvest season like none other than I have experienced up until this point. The intentions I planted during this year’s (reimagined) Lenten season and the objectives nurtured and refined during the spring and summer yielded a crop of food for the nourishment of my soul, which aided in my most recent rebirth.

During the month of November, I continued my self-discovery journey in Ecuador at an Ayahuasca and San Pedro retreat for eight days. What I experienced at this retreat was nothing short of amazing. Considering I have much to process as well as hold close to my heart alone, I won’t go into detail about my experiences in this post. However, the two words I’ll use to describe my experience are alignment and rebirth. Alignment comes to mind as everything from the downloads I received during my hiking adventures to my recent relationship breakups and breakdowns (with myself and others) prepared me for the experiences I had this month and those to come. The alignment I experienced could not be limited to the events from the past few years but my entire life.

My commitment to engaging in years of inner child work was instrumental in my growth journey. Yet with all the bumps, bruises, wild rides, and repeated hard lessons, this moment in my self-discovery journey marked the point of no return, the birth of a new me in a new era, with a renewed and more focused sense of purpose and perspective on what it means to truly live life abundantly. It was a confirmation of what my soul knew to be true while I could not fully comprehend. Like the process of nurturing an unborn being, getting to the point of bringing the baby into the world and holding them skin to skin ushers an initial sense of accomplishment, awe, and wonder. I intend to relish this moment, as I know it is just that—a moment in time. Yet, one thing is for sure: I am both grateful and hopeful of what is to come, knowing that I am protected, not alone, and have all that I need to navigate this thing called life.