The intention I set for my second aya ceremony during my recent plant medicine retreat experience was simple—or so I thought. It was one intention, which was two less than what I set for the first ceremony. I figured this second experience wouldn’t be so intense if I focused on only one. Well, it wasn’t as intense as the first ceremony, but I did and am still getting that work… lol. My intention was to have the courage to face the root of my fears and be shown the tools to uproot them in a gentle way. What I was shown was a whole root system! To say I got what I asked for is an understatement. It was an example of the importance of being specific when offering up petitions, prayers, setting intentions, and goals. Yet, I will admit, I received and am still receiving the gentleness I needed. I am and will forever be thankful for this. While I was exposed to a whole root system, the request of gentleness was obviously present. During this ceremony, I was merely an observer, if you will. Diving even deeper into my subconscious was something I was not ready for at that point, yet the warmup lessons I received during my journey were enough to let simmer.

In addition to the valuable lessons in boundaries, understanding the idea of worthiness was added to my bucket of lessons. I had to contend with limiting beliefs around my worth. If I believed I had much to offer the world around me, I would need to face the contradictions of my actions. My hyper-independence (individualism) demonstrated I wasn’t worthy of support, gentleness, or care. The subconscious belief that I needed to prove I was worthy of these things kept me from receiving, thus limiting me from giving to others in abundance. When I listen to gospel songs of my formative years (remember, I may not ever sit in a pew every week, but your girl will always dwell in holiness…lol), they are oftentimes filled with messages of indebtedness and the obligation to release my entire self in order to be redeemed from being filthy rags and being unworthy to be in the presence of The Most High. I once held the belief that positioning myself in this way was the least I could do to be found worthy of the goodness and care promised to me. I secretly wrestled with that thought process, because if I am a good creation, it would benefit me to subscribe to the notion that I am worthy of all things good from the jump, and there’s nothing I should do to prove it.

If anything, a demonstration of gratitude would be for me to confidently live a life in alignment with who I am and was created to be. That would mean that I must embody the belief that I am worthy of taking up space and worthy of compassionate redirection when I steer off track. Yet, all these things point to being comfortable with being seen fully. When the fear of being seen is replaced with the truth of believing I am worthy of meaningful connections to folks who are in alignment with who I am and am becoming, that is when the magic begins. These connections hold space for me to take up, and I commit to doing the same. When I no longer fear being seen, these beloved connections will also know and care for me well enough to see when I’m off base and in need of redirection, patience, and support, and I will do the same. These things are what I believe meaningful, purposeful, and fulfilling connections should be comprised of. This is possibly one of many outcomes of releasing the fear of being seen. It is through these types of connections that healthy communities are created and sustained. Communities filled with humans who believe they are truly worthy of belonging and care.